How Do I Have Rough Butt Sex Without Hurting Myself?

Rough sex: it’s all the rage in porn these days, but does it take a toll on your holes?  A gay virgin wants to know how to take it up the ass—hard—without years of lasting damage.

Harrison asks:

I’m gay and a butt virgin but I know in my heart of hearts I’m a 100% bottom.  I have fantasies of passionate sex where I am getting fucked pretty hard but by big, thick dicks.  As you know, I am a virgin and this is a mind-only fantasy so far and not a reality.  I do not have experience bottoming at all, and I have only put some small things in there like my fingers and pens and other household items.  I don’t have anything that’s big fat dick-sized.  I want to get some practice in and start getting laid.  I don’t need to be in a relationship because I just want to explore my sexuality now.  I’ve given lots of blow jobs and I had a gag reflex in the beginning but now I can choke on penis without the actual choking part.  It’s great.  I just love having a dick in me and I want it up my ass all the time but I don’t want to get hurt.  I want a pleasurable experience where I can really enjoy getting fucked.  What do I need to know to keep my asshole intact for generations?

Dear Harrison,

You actually don’t have to do all that much.  Taking a dick in the butt can be an unpleasant experience if you do it wrong, but it’s not that hard to do it right.  Obviously you want to start with a clean ass.  Not only is poop not a fun part of sex (for most people, and probably shouldn’t be for anyone since it’s unsanitary) but it can cause friction when you’ve got something pumping in and out of you.  Make sure you’re good and clean beforehand and you’ll have an easier time.

Reduce Friction

Condoms cause friction, too.  You should use them, but not without a liberal amount of lubrication.  The lubrication that comes on the condom might be enough for pro-level bottoms, but until you feel confident enough to work with that—and you may never get to that point, and that’s fine—you should add lube to the dick that’s going to fuck you and your own ass.  Keep it handy, too, in case you need to add more later.  Don’t over-compensate, though.  Only so much can help, and the rest is going to end up inside of you or on the bed.

Practice with Fingers and Toys


You’re already kind of doing this, but continue to practice with dildos and move up in size until you’re able to enjoy the size turns you on (so long as you don’t push your body too far—if you feel pain, just stop).  You can start with a couple of fingers, slap a condom on the dildo, and then go to town.  If you’re working your way up, you can start with a more comfortable size and then trade up to the larger dildo.  Your asshole will expand with a little effort.  Just give it time to get comfortable.

Slow the Fuck Down

Getting fucked hard is possible even the first time you do it—if you’re feeling comfortable!  To get there, you’ll probably need to start slow.  You’ll learn to control your sphincter muscles over time so you can loosen up easily and just take a dick quickly, but until you learn that you should go slowly.

You don’t need to get fucked hard for the entire session.  Take a minute or two to adjust.  If it hurts when the top’s penis goes in the first time, take it out, breathe, and try again.  Give your body time to adjust.  Eventually you’ll learn to control your muscles and let go of the tension in your body.  Until you do, take the time you need.

Sit on a Dick First (and Try Doggy Style Last)


When you start out with an actual human penis, make sure it’s attached to a nice guy that’ll take things slow and let you choose the positions until you feel like you can handle it all.  When the top lays on their back and you, essentially, squat down on their dick, you have a lot of control.  This is the best position to start in for new bottoms and often when you begin a good anal sex session in the first place.

Missionary is the next stop on the butt fucking position train to try.  While you’ll have far less control, it’s relatively difficult for a top to penetrate you deeply this way.  You can always stick a pillow underneath your butt to allow the top to go deeper if you want, but you might want to save that for a little later when you have more practice or if you find missionary naturally uncomfortable.  Sometimes adjustments can help make a problematic position much more pleasurable.

Next, try the spoon position.  You’ll have your partner penetrate you from behind, but you’ll both be on your sides.  This also prevents the top from going too deep and gives you a little more control.  It can feel intimate, as well, because it’s a popular cuddling position.

Lastly, when you’re ready, go for doggy style.  Some people love it, others hate it, but if you want hard and deep fucking this is the position for your top to give it to you.  You can bend over on the bed and let them stand and fuck you from the floor if you want to go the easy route.  You can get on your arms and knees on the bed and stick your butt up in the air and the top can kneel and fuck you.  You could both stand and the top can press you against the wall.  If you really like body contact and your bed, just lie on your stomach and the top can lay on top of you and fuck you that way.  These are all variations on doggy style and will get a lot of dick in you.  Of course, you will basically have next to no control.  Don’t jump into doggy style until you feel ready to handle it.

Pace Yourself!

Of course, you don’t have to try every position immediately.  The first time you fuck, you can just sit down on your partner’s dick and ride it to completion.  Add new positions when you feel ready.  Don’t rush anything, and stay safe.  You have a long life ahead of you.  If you get fucked once a week for 30 years, you’ll get fucked 1,560 times.  That’s a lot of fucks!

Be patient in the beginning.  Take everything slowly until you’re ready.  Don’t have sex with tops who don’t treat you with enough respect to treat you well.  Even if you want to get fucked hard and “used” because that turns you on, you can still start slow to gain comfort and then let the top have their way with you.  Keep track of what works and doesn’t for you, too, and speak up when there’s a problem.  Sex requires more communication than we think about.  It’s okay to stop, readjust, and go right back into it.  If your partner can’t handle simple things like that, they don’t deserve to fuck you.  Take care of yourself first, and then have fun!

– Adam