With summer here, it’s time to break out your douchiest wardrobe! Who better to help than Urban Outfitters!?
For the Ladies!
Let’s start with the underwear. What is better than tight fitting hipster panites? Not much. Except what if they had Navajo print on them? Now we’re talking! This artistic style and name stolen from the Navajo Nation is a perfect undergarment to wear for your summer’s day! Be unethical for only $8!
Then you need pants. Or do you? Check out these “fly away flare pants”, or as I like to call them, No Pants! Let the length of loose fabric tickle your leg while never actually covering it/serving its purpose. $69 never felt so much like spiders crawling up your calf.
Then you need a classic graphic-tee. How about this one? This “Eat Less” shirt is great for those hoping to die young of anorexia. And if you decide it’s not for you (because you don’t like starving or body shaming), Urban Outfitters offers free returns on the item!
Us ladies need one last thing to really make our outfit pop. Here is a beautiful ear cuff with chains. If your ears don’t bleed from the added weight, go celebrate by heading out to the basketball court or go to the mosh pit at your favorite band’s concert! Your draped chain ear cuff is sure to stay on, even if it means your ear will come off.
Bonus! If you get chilly on a cold summer night on the coast, bring along the vintage Kent State Sweatshirt. Riddled with controversy, wear history literally on your sleeve with realistic blood stains and splatters.
For the Fellas!
Let’s do summer right by sticking with the basics. First, let’s start with a graphic-tee. I’ve got my two favorite options here for you. The top is a great macaroni colored jewish star tee! Slimming and great for those who want to ironically remember the holocaust while taking the side-chick to Jamba Juice.
Your second option is my personal favorite: the #GreenLivesMatter tee. Exclusively from Urban Outfitters, Jim Henson’s Kermit the Frog appears to remind everyone you see that you love completely disregarding social movements inspired by the death of innocent black men and women across our country! Wear to your next protest, you won’t be the only one going green.
Next you’ll need a pair of shorts. How about a modestly priced sweat short? At $60 you can wear what tennis pros wore and pretend your chicken legs are part of your notable athleticism.
Gonna need some shoes to keep those toes nice and safe from the warm sands of summer! Don’t let the 1 star rating fool you, these $51 are totally worth the $25 hike up other competitors offer you, because look how cool they look brah!
Every fella needs a good pair of shades to block out the haters. Out of all the aviators and round styles Urban Outfitters carries, I think this is the creme de la creme. Be careful though, as Urban Outfitters released this warning:
WARNING: This product contains a chemical known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm.
Yikes! Don’t keep the glasses in your pocket and keep your “Kurt Cobain vibes” going strong!
This style is the perfect style for douchebags. Free People, Anthropologie, Urban Outfitters, they are all owned by the same company, so feel free to shop at any of these locations for the latest and greatest douche fashion choices for Summer 2016!