The Purse Poop Panic Is The Best Story You’ll Read Today

When the toilet refuses to flush on your first date, what do you do? Naturally, you hide your poop in your purse.

Back in March Twitter user @_ blotty, from Toronto, posted a harrowing story about a date that is sure to entertain you. If you missed it, the following tweets read just as well as any novel with highs and lows. Makela’s story currently has 6,932 retweets and even more likes. She received some less than flattering responses from the media, but overall people were positive because we all have a poop story.

Everyone Has A Poop Story

I know that I’ve got plenty of poop stories, but a recent one came to mind when I read Makela’s tweets. Two years ago, my new wife and I went to a historic hotel in the mountains for New Year’s Eve. It was a gift from her parents who accompanied us. We were staying small cabins and spent our days ice skating and hanging out in the main lodge, drinking peanut butter hot chocolates. On New Year’s Eve, there was a big party scheduled and I volunteered to be first to go back to the cabin to get ready. Of course, I did that because I really had to poop.

The toilet refused to flush. Surely my wife would be on her way, possibly with my in-laws. A turd-filled toilet cannot be a part of that equation. Anxiety set in and all my clear thinking went out the door. With no plunger in sight, it was time to gamble and flush again. Doom. Why would I do that? Clouded judgement forced me to hit the handle a third time! Maybe something went down? Right?

Then, I had a toilet water filled bathroom. Since it was a hotel, I had 3 towels. White towels. Shit. Literally. Somehow, I managed to convince myself it was better to be embarrassed in front of a hotel employee than my in-laws, so I made the call. Some poor employee was going to have to deal with my shit on New Year’s Eve. Great job, Chris.

Twenty minutes passed and a staff member showed up. He was very pleasant and tried to make me feel better saying it was a common occurrence in these cabins during the winter. I texted my wife, confessed my sin and survived the shame.

Makela’s Story Is Better Than Mine

Makela’s story about pooping on a first date is an inspirational tale comparable to Forrest Gump or I Am Sam. I laughed, nearly cried and cheered out loud. I hope you enjoy it as well.

You have to love it when everything works out in the end. Well, being known as the “poop girl” isn’t incredibly flattering. Yet, in today’s world we don’t get 15 minutes of fame. It’s more like 15 seconds. There’s another positive outcome as well. Makela partnered with a candy store in Florida called IT’SUGAR to promote their poop collection. In my opinion, that’s ridiculously awesome.

IT'SUGAR

What about the guy? Well, two months after the turd turmoil, Makela posted the following:

TextMessageDate

The moral of Makela’s story is to avoid coffee before a date, but to me it is about remembering we’re human. Nobody is perfect. As a person who has some anxiety issues, I can easily get caught up in striving for perfection. Let this poop story remind you that nothing good comes from panicking because we’re all full of shit.

Image courtesy of Twitter