The only thing more questionable than the theme is the dates of operation. If you’re in Tokyo from September 21st to November 20th, you can check out Ted Cafe & Bar: the only Ted-themed restaurant offering both teddy-bear-shaped food and oddly inappropriate quotes.
Apparently, Ted 2 is huge in Japan. After the 2012 original drew legions of Family Guy fans stateside, an edited version of the sequel somehow found an East Asian audience. Ted 2: I Can’t Wait Until I Become an Adult was released with a PG12 rating, presumably with some of the dick jokes removed. As Rocket News 24 notes, the film’s popularity is based on receptiveness to a cuddly-looking talking toy bear and a lack of translation when it comes to Ted’s lines. Masturbation euphemisms don’t necessarily have the same impact from English to Japanese, which would explain why the restaurant has the quote: “Excuse me, where’s your non-jerkoff bathroom?” plastered on their website and menus. Also present is: “Yeah, that’s what you get for fuckin’ exercisin’,” which makes no sense out of context.
Other than the overall branding, we can marvel at the restaurant’s decor and food. This video of a Ted mascot dancing in the eerily-quiet cafe gives a wonderful glimpse of what’s to come, and the Ted lingerie chandelier is amazing to behold. On the menu, you can get food that’s easy to make bear-shaped, such as the Ted face pizza and the hamburger and steak plate: with a Ted head constructed out of hamburger and a mound of mashed potatoes as the mouth. You can also eat dishes that have nothing to do with the Ted theme—other than being from America—like the buffalo chicken wings lazily adorned with Ted flags.
As the name suggests, Ted’s is also a bar. Open until 3am, the locale offers a V.I.P lounge—perfect for enjoying Ted bottled beer (served in a brown paper bag), jello shots, or cocktails loosely based on the film.
If I took a half an hour to devise a Ted-themed restaurant, it would probably look something like this. But the fact that Ted’s is exclusive and frequented by customers who love the edited movie enough to eat overpriced bear-shaped food makes it all-the-more enjoyable. Don’t forget to grab a Ted “I wuv Tokyo” tote bag on the way out.