Disney Puts Huge Alien Dick Outside of Universal Studios

It’s not the size of the lightsaber, it’s how you use it subliminally sell theme park rides and penetrate other billboards? Let’s talk about Disney’s dark side.

Sometimes you see something and it becomes impossible to unsee. This is what happened to the anonymous source that told us about this billboard outside of Universal Studios last year. Of course, most will instantly recognize the lightsaber from the movie brand known as Star Wars. However, I have to admit if the “Disneyland” text was removed, I could be convinced it was an ad for sex toys. Both the phallic crossguard section of the lightsaber in Kylo’s face, and the knobby penetration on the billboard next to it, disturbingly resemble vibrators.

The marketing of Star Wars has saturated this world almost as much as porn. It would seem that the two properties are made for each other. There are a number of similarities as well. Both focus on the themes of freedom and domination. Once your mind starts spinning you see questionable acting, misogyny, money shots (Death Star thermal exhaust port) and a guy practically named after masturbation, Han Solo. Don’t get me started on the bears.

Please note that I’m just having a little fun and no offense is intended. All fandoms are welcome on Awkward Human and I surely don’t want to anger the Disney or Star Wars fans. Admittedly, I am frightened of the absolute loyalty that some fans give to Disney. I think people can be loyal, and keep an open mind. Perhaps, The Mickey Mouse Protection Act, or Copyright Term Extension Act, is a disservice to the public. Maybe the rules for the Magic Kingdom “cast members” are not very inclusive. However, these are my opinions and I’m not going to force them on you like, well a giant alien dick.

I’m not the only one afraid of Disney’s Galactic Empire-like control. Our source for this story chose to remain anonymous because s/he works in Hollywood. In email exchanges this person expressed a fear of being blacklisted if s/he were tied to this article. On top of that, s/he was afraid of being banned from the beloved park. I’m actually fascinated by the idea that Disney has a database that lists the names of people who banned from the parks and employment. Having a copy of a list like that seems dangerous in today’s world where companies are routinely hacked. Thus, I find it hard to believe. Oh, but it would be a great list of potential people to interview.

As far as the erect lightsaber above, it certainly isn’t Disney’s first dick pic. From a naked woman in the 1977 release of The Rescuers, a phallus on The Little Mermaid palace and “SEX” in The Lion King, we see kink everywhere. Most of this is explained away, freeing Disney of any guilt. However I don’t care that we see the cardinal’s knees in later frames of The Little Mermaid wedding scene. All I can think is that he is smuggling another pointy hat (mitre) under his robes. I find it suspicious that Disney replaced the animation in later versions. Regardless of where you land on these sightings, I hope you enjoy the films mentioned and may the phallus be with you.